Adelle - Our Angel Baby

According to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the expert on death and grieving, one of the steps to grief is a little something called "anger".  Let me tell you about this fun tid-bit, because it seems you can apply the Kubler-Ross stages to any loss including loss of a job or news of infertility...

I used to be a very-patient-for-most-things individual (but very intolerant of anything that hurt anyone else).  Now it seems every single little thing makes me angry...  Recently I've heard people complain because of illegible handwriting...and get this... a client complained because he has to PAY for something or other for his grown-up kid.  (Hello buddy!  I wish!!!)  Among those trivial comments are more significant instigators,  like a letter from Mount Sinai Hospital asking for donations (it's funny because just before going for the MRI, I told M that after Adelle was born we were going to start donating to Mount Sinai to help them continue to save babies. I know they still do, they are great and I appreciate every expert who helped us... but still MY baby wasn't saved and now I get this letter with good news stories and a request for money. Ouch!)

The kicker is, I HATE feeling this way!  My brain says "stop!" but my heart doesn't know how or vis versa.  I don't recognize myself anymore...  I'm tired of feeling angry, negative and bitter over such trivial and non-trivial things.  I'm tired of reading into people's words and adding my own spice (my thoughts are usually peppered with jealousy and you guessed it anger)... 

I hope this will pass... because of the whole grieving process.... this is by far the worst.  I don't want Adelle's memory to be associated with bitterness.  I love her so much, that's the emotion I want to feel.