Adelle - Our Angel Baby

I am having an "ok" week so far, concidering I have realized that I got pregnant for Adelle roughly a year ago.  It's very difficult to explain but when I am having a good day (well, as good as my days can be with this huge gaping hole), I feel a little guilty.  I compared Adelle's passing to a box where all of my pain and tears are wrapped up.  This box is what I have left of her.  It's like I can't seperate the pain and the memory of her... like one is meant to go with the other.  More acurately, one reminds me of the other.

In this box I hold the memories of my pregnancy, labour and funeral as well as the images of things that could-have-been.

I know some day I will be able to focus solely on the positives of Adelle's short life.  This advice I have received from women who have suffered the loss of their own babies a few years ago.  Make no mistake, I already see the impact Adelle has had on our lives.  She is special, she is loved and she has made us happy.  I am just not ready to let go of the pain yet, not so much because I am afraid to forget her (I know I won't), but more because it makes it seem like not that long ago she was physically here with me.