Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Box
2:44 PM | Posted by
Mireille |
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I am having an "ok" week so far, concidering I have realized that I got pregnant for Adelle roughly a year ago. It's very difficult to explain but when I am having a good day (well, as good as my days can be with this huge gaping hole), I feel a little guilty. I compared Adelle's passing to a box where all of my pain and tears are wrapped up. This box is what I have left of her. It's like I can't seperate the pain and the memory of her... like one is meant to go with the other. More acurately, one reminds me of the other.
In this box I hold the memories of my pregnancy, labour and funeral as well as the images of things that could-have-been.I know some day I will be able to focus solely on the positives of Adelle's short life. This advice I have received from women who have suffered the loss of their own babies a few years ago. Make no mistake, I already see the impact Adelle has had on our lives. She is special, she is loved and she has made us happy. I am just not ready to let go of the pain yet, not so much because I am afraid to forget her (I know I won't), but more because it makes it seem like not that long ago she was physically here with me.
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Friday, December 18, 2009
Physical Evidence
12:34 PM | Posted by
Mireille |
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Yesterday I stopped bleeding and my breasts have stopped lactating... plus, I fit in some of my old (non-maternity) clothes. Most women would be ecstatic about this. Not me. For me, these were the only signs - the physical evidence - of my very real pregnancy, labour and delivery.
Last week I wept for the day the bleeding would stop, because it would mean that the only "evidence" would be memories... and memories, I felt, would dull or disappear with time. Yesterday, however, I didn't cry. A dear friend visited me and told me the story of her grand-mother. It seems that this woman even in her advanced age, when asked about how many children she had would say she had 14 and always mentioned that she had lost her first boy at birth. It gave me great comfort to hear that even after 50 or more years, this woman never forgot.
Today I feel confident that I won't ever forget Adelle. The love I feel for her is another kind of proof, not physical, but still very real. And for Christmas, my husband is getting a ring made for me with the November birthstone in memory of our little Angel. I would rather be holding her in my arms, but this stone, ironically the colour of the sun, will be a nice "physical" way to commemorate her.
What the heart has once known, it shall never forget. ~Author unknown
Last week I wept for the day the bleeding would stop, because it would mean that the only "evidence" would be memories... and memories, I felt, would dull or disappear with time. Yesterday, however, I didn't cry. A dear friend visited me and told me the story of her grand-mother. It seems that this woman even in her advanced age, when asked about how many children she had would say she had 14 and always mentioned that she had lost her first boy at birth. It gave me great comfort to hear that even after 50 or more years, this woman never forgot.
Today I feel confident that I won't ever forget Adelle. The love I feel for her is another kind of proof, not physical, but still very real. And for Christmas, my husband is getting a ring made for me with the November birthstone in memory of our little Angel. I would rather be holding her in my arms, but this stone, ironically the colour of the sun, will be a nice "physical" way to commemorate her.
What the heart has once known, it shall never forget. ~Author unknown
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About Me
- Mireille
- On November 6th, 2009, I gave birth to our angel Adelle at 34 weeks. She had already grown her wings... I am going through a difficult time and am learning a lot about myself and what it means to be the mommy of an Angel. I hope that by sharing my experiences, other angels' moms will find some comfort in knowing they are not alone. I am married to the most wonderful man on Earth. I am blessed with the most precious family and friends. My heart will always be full of love for my Angel Baby Adelle.
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