Adelle - Our Angel Baby

Christmas Day has come and gone.  I didn't hide from it.  And, in part, because of a very creative sister-in-law, I had a nice day.  I think it's obvious that I am trying to keep a positive mind through all this - see previous posts - and I think I convinced myself and everyone around me that I am doing just fine.  However, it's like I'm in a swimming pool, trying to get out of the deep end.  In reality I don't know how to swim, so I always go only as far as I can touch the bottom.  So, I'm in the gradually sloping part of the pool where if I take one step back the water goes over my head.  That's how I feel some days... on the outside I look like the perfectly groomed pool but on the inside I'm the rock sinking to the bottom unnoticed.

There are many things that contribute to my feelings of drowning...  For example, it's like the whole world is trying to hurt me: the Infant Food Bank has never advertised on billboards before, Canon has torn my heart into a million pieces with their commercial picturing the perfect baby-parent moment, pregnant woman and babies everywhere.  Of course I realize that I notice more of these things because it's so fresh in my mind...  but it's like showing a bowl of rice to a starving man and never letting him eat it. 

I decided long ago that I would not let this experience be in vain.  I promised myself to see the positive in all of this and that's what I am going to keep doing...  I think I can manage the doggy paddle and wading in the shallow end for a while.  One of the best gift I got for Christmas this year was a quote:

"Don't cry because it's over.  Smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss

He was a smart man that Dr. Seuss and I will take his advice: I will smile because I knew Adelle, even if it was for only a short time.  And because of her, I will make positive changes in my life...