Adelle - Our Angel Baby

I realized something going back to work yesterday...  I will never be the same.  I suppose I have known this all along, but today I admitted it.  There is what I've deemed the "Pre-Adelle" and the "Post-Adelle" Mireille. 

I haven't quite figured out the details of who I've become yet.  All I know is that the Mireille I am now cries a lot and has an ache in her heart that just doesn't seem to go away.  Going back to work has brought back all kinds of feelings I had burried deep within myself a few weeks ago.  I suppose it's because I have to be "on" at work.  The lady I spoke to at PBSO explained it in these words:  "Hollywood could call on us anytime".  Parents who have lost their baby really are the best actors.  We put on our makeup and voilà... instant "normal" human being ready for a "normal" day at work.

I wish that I could just wear a sign that says "My baby girl passed away".  Maybe then it would avoid awkward situations (like the lady who caused me to breakdown yesterday when she asked me how my baby was). 

I suppose sometimes you have to face things head on and suffer through them so that, in turn, they become less intense.  I had promissed myself I would get Adelle a little "Gund" blanky.  So today, although it will not make sense to anyone else, I purchased the white lamb blanky.  I had never bought her anything and though it brought tears (again), it's something I felt compelled to do...  Something that didn't require me to wear a mask or pretend.  Instead, I could just be the Mireille who still missed her precious child every single day...