Tuesday, March 16, 2010
It's Never Simple
7:35 PM | Posted by
Mireille |
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I've been wanting to write for the last few days but everytime I start a post nothing seems to make sense. It seems whenever I find something positive to focus on, it doesn't take very long for something negative to poke it's head through. It's hard to put into words any of the things I am feeling because none of it makes sense.
On the one hand, I am trying to have faith in a "spirit world", more specifically in angels. I somehow found myself at a conference last weekend on the subject and became a Certified Angel Practionier. I have a talent that enables me to receive messages from the angels. I also got readings from perfect strangers, other students, who didn't know me from a hole in the ground who got messages from Adelle for me. She is apparently a very playful little angel. During a meditation, I swear I could feel her little arms wrap around me and give me a hug. Ah, but faith is a brittle thing. After doing an angel reading for an acquaintance yesterday, it seems the message the angels had for her, brought back a lot of old "issues". I couldn't help but feel responsible for her sadness. Then of course, I starting doubting the whole thing, not just if it's real but whether or not I should "go" there. It's white, it's black but it's never gray. So, some moments I believe and others I don't. And when I do, I feel that people look at me funny or with the look that says "she just needs this to deal... she'll soon realize it isn't real..."
Then of course there is work. It seems the business world and "real" life are like oil and water. They don't mix no matter how hard you shake the container and try to blend them. I was asked four times yesterday by clients who saw me pregnant whether I gave birth to a boy or a girl. Work should be a good outlet to keep my mind busy, but this only happens when people aren't asking questions like this.... because of course, I have to tell these people that "it's ok, you didn't know". Why can't I just wear that billboard? And why can't I just go hide somewhere when my heart breaks?
And then there are the conversations I have with family sometimes... Whenever I mention something in front of some members it's like I can feel them getting so uncomfortable, hoping I will change the subject soon. If I want to talk about Adelle and my pregnancy, why can't I? I shouldn't have to worry about how it makes other people feel...
So, this just feels like a post that is going round and round in circles... There is no point to it, other than to make me think that I will be confused for a long time. I guess that's why they call it the healing "journey"... sometimes you forget your toothbrush, sometimes you get lost, but sometimes you find an hidden jewel off the beaten path.
On the one hand, I am trying to have faith in a "spirit world", more specifically in angels. I somehow found myself at a conference last weekend on the subject and became a Certified Angel Practionier. I have a talent that enables me to receive messages from the angels. I also got readings from perfect strangers, other students, who didn't know me from a hole in the ground who got messages from Adelle for me. She is apparently a very playful little angel. During a meditation, I swear I could feel her little arms wrap around me and give me a hug. Ah, but faith is a brittle thing. After doing an angel reading for an acquaintance yesterday, it seems the message the angels had for her, brought back a lot of old "issues". I couldn't help but feel responsible for her sadness. Then of course, I starting doubting the whole thing, not just if it's real but whether or not I should "go" there. It's white, it's black but it's never gray. So, some moments I believe and others I don't. And when I do, I feel that people look at me funny or with the look that says "she just needs this to deal... she'll soon realize it isn't real..."
Then of course there is work. It seems the business world and "real" life are like oil and water. They don't mix no matter how hard you shake the container and try to blend them. I was asked four times yesterday by clients who saw me pregnant whether I gave birth to a boy or a girl. Work should be a good outlet to keep my mind busy, but this only happens when people aren't asking questions like this.... because of course, I have to tell these people that "it's ok, you didn't know". Why can't I just wear that billboard? And why can't I just go hide somewhere when my heart breaks?
And then there are the conversations I have with family sometimes... Whenever I mention something in front of some members it's like I can feel them getting so uncomfortable, hoping I will change the subject soon. If I want to talk about Adelle and my pregnancy, why can't I? I shouldn't have to worry about how it makes other people feel...
So, this just feels like a post that is going round and round in circles... There is no point to it, other than to make me think that I will be confused for a long time. I guess that's why they call it the healing "journey"... sometimes you forget your toothbrush, sometimes you get lost, but sometimes you find an hidden jewel off the beaten path.
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About Me
- Mireille
- On November 6th, 2009, I gave birth to our angel Adelle at 34 weeks. She had already grown her wings... I am going through a difficult time and am learning a lot about myself and what it means to be the mommy of an Angel. I hope that by sharing my experiences, other angels' moms will find some comfort in knowing they are not alone. I am married to the most wonderful man on Earth. I am blessed with the most precious family and friends. My heart will always be full of love for my Angel Baby Adelle.
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4 comments:
Mireille,
Your blog doesn't always have to have a theme or a topic.
It's your blog and you should be able to write what you are feeling, whether it's sadness, a happy thought, confusion... it's your blog.
Healing is a journey of good and bad days.
If you want to talk about your pregnancy and Adelle, you should have the same right as anyone else wanting to talk about their life.
The ones that try to walk away or change the subject just can't deal with the real world.
I hope you have people you can talk to and let your feeling out.
Keep believing in angels. Don't let other make you doubt your beliefs.
Take care Mireile, wishing you more good days during your journey.
Love and hugs
Tante Suzanne
XOXO
What counts is that no matter what, you keep showing up. It might not sound like much, but really, we can all make up a million and one excuses not to deal with things that happen with our lives. But you - you just keep going at it, into the good, bad and unknown. That's what makes you such a kick-ass person. And your little cherub cheerleader is having fun popping up all over the place to cheer you on! :-)
Hey mireille it's Jeff
I've been going to some meditation classes in sudbury for about a year now. It's pretty good. You should give it a try. I find it helped me balance life....sort of.
My Dan and my mom are coming with me starting March 17. I'll start fresh at level one again. But there also a class starting on March 18. It's once a week for about 1 hour. Here's the link, check it out. http://innerlights.ca/
Dear Mireille, I would love to hear about Adelle. I was always wondering what she looked like, what colour hair, how much did she weigh? Maybe someday you could try doing a sketch of her?
Also, just a word about the spirit world. Remember, in the Bible we are cautioned about this - there are good and bad spirits and we are actually instructed not to consult with mediums. Please be careful not to be deceived by the ones who would appear to be as light, but are not. Pray to God for guidance and discernment in this matter.
I'll keep you in my prayers. Love to you and Marty. Hugs, Phyllis
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