Thursday, January 28, 2010
Yoga - Take 2
10:15 PM | Posted by
Mireille |
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I attended yoga this morning... again it made me cry.
Determined to know why, I went to see the instructor, Lana, after class. She is so great! She listened to me, through the blubbering and tears, as I repeated "I don't know what's wrong with me!" I mean really, two yoga practices and, twice, tears during and after... I needed an explanation.
In a soothing voice she reassured me that it's because I am doing it right. I am, through yoga, getting to the trauma and with the tears letting some of the hurt go (she explained this in a much nicer way but I think I got the gist of it).
I pondered this all day. I admitted to myself that I have been suppressing a lot. In a way, I am afraid that if I let go of the trauma, of the hurt and of the sadness... it's like Adelle and the memory of her will go too. But today, after speaking with Lana, I got a little glimpse of what could be - of being able to untangle the pain from the memory. I think that eventually I will be able to just remember her and think of her with love and happiness, as I already do but, minus the negative aspects (like the self-blame, etc.). Granted, I still have a long way to go! But I will continue with my yoga practice and hope that it will keep helping me heal: to face my fears head on and then to let go.
Oh, and just an aside... I succeed with the "downward dog" position this week. :)
Determined to know why, I went to see the instructor, Lana, after class. She is so great! She listened to me, through the blubbering and tears, as I repeated "I don't know what's wrong with me!" I mean really, two yoga practices and, twice, tears during and after... I needed an explanation.
In a soothing voice she reassured me that it's because I am doing it right. I am, through yoga, getting to the trauma and with the tears letting some of the hurt go (she explained this in a much nicer way but I think I got the gist of it).
I pondered this all day. I admitted to myself that I have been suppressing a lot. In a way, I am afraid that if I let go of the trauma, of the hurt and of the sadness... it's like Adelle and the memory of her will go too. But today, after speaking with Lana, I got a little glimpse of what could be - of being able to untangle the pain from the memory. I think that eventually I will be able to just remember her and think of her with love and happiness, as I already do but, minus the negative aspects (like the self-blame, etc.). Granted, I still have a long way to go! But I will continue with my yoga practice and hope that it will keep helping me heal: to face my fears head on and then to let go.
Oh, and just an aside... I succeed with the "downward dog" position this week. :)
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About Me
- Mireille
- On November 6th, 2009, I gave birth to our angel Adelle at 34 weeks. She had already grown her wings... I am going through a difficult time and am learning a lot about myself and what it means to be the mommy of an Angel. I hope that by sharing my experiences, other angels' moms will find some comfort in knowing they are not alone. I am married to the most wonderful man on Earth. I am blessed with the most precious family and friends. My heart will always be full of love for my Angel Baby Adelle.
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1 comments:
Mireille,
You are such a strong and courageous individual... I commend you for how far you have already come in your journey (even if it may not seem as though you're getting anywhere some days).
Keep at it - and know that you have many (many!) people thinking about you and praying for you!
Josee
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