Adelle - Our Angel Baby

We visited my sister this weekend.  It was the first time we took the highway that brings us to Toronto since our last follow-up appointment at Mount Sinai Hospital when we found out our baby was already gone.  I thought the drive was going to be the difficult part - sort of a retracing of the last steps we took before our whole world fell apart - but surprisingly it wasn't.  The hard part was taking out the suitcase, packing and ultimately unpacking it.  The suitcase reminded me of the little pijamas and diapers I had packed and had imagined that I would do again and again when travelling with our new baby.  Life's funny (not funny ha ha, but funny strange) that way.  You sometimes can't even predict your own reaction to things.  This worries me. 

I am meeting with my boss tomorrow to discuss my return to work.  This is suppose to happen in a little less than three weeks.  I am anxious.  I haven't walked through that door since November 5th.  I was supposed to return to work the following Monday but never did.  This is the reason I requested tomorrow's meeting.  I want to go for a "visit" before having to return permanently.  Hopefully this will ease the "blow" of facing yet another reality.  The one where I am working just to work and not to provide for my child (now that makes any job fulfilling!)

So lies ahead quite the day tomorrow.  I wonder what my reaction will be...