Sunday, February 7, 2010
Reality... It's Like Getting Hit by Truck
11:55 AM | Posted by
Mireille |
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Ever feel like you've been hit by a truck? Then you look back to see what kind of truck it was but it drove away so fast you couldn't see anything except for the blurr? I feel that this morning! I've been crying so much, my head hurts and I feel nauseous. I'm not sure what truck hit me... might be that sleep is hard to get by or that some people have surprised me with their lack of sensitivity, or that the viel I've been hiding behind is slowly coming up and revealing what I've been avoiding at all cost to see or... or... or...
Mostly, I think it's just that it's another day without my precious Adelle. I think reality is setting in hard now. It's not that I didn't realize she was gone or that I haven't been missing her. It's more like the more days go by, the further she seems to be. Lately, my dreams have not been of butterflies, but instead of a baby's distressed voice calling "Mommy!" over and over again and I know I can't get to her to help.
I am not giving up though. I think it's time I try getting help from professionals. So tomorrow I will call the Perinatal Bereavement (PBSO) and see if I can talk to a counsellor. I've been avoiding this... thinking I could do this by myself. I am not embarassed to admit that I am not.
I am nervous and excited, my best friend is coming for a visit this week. She is bringing Baby C, my Godchild (I haven't seen him since my baby shower.) So, you may not see me for a few days but I will keep you posted as soon as I can.
Mostly, I think it's just that it's another day without my precious Adelle. I think reality is setting in hard now. It's not that I didn't realize she was gone or that I haven't been missing her. It's more like the more days go by, the further she seems to be. Lately, my dreams have not been of butterflies, but instead of a baby's distressed voice calling "Mommy!" over and over again and I know I can't get to her to help.
I am not giving up though. I think it's time I try getting help from professionals. So tomorrow I will call the Perinatal Bereavement (PBSO) and see if I can talk to a counsellor. I've been avoiding this... thinking I could do this by myself. I am not embarassed to admit that I am not.
I am nervous and excited, my best friend is coming for a visit this week. She is bringing Baby C, my Godchild (I haven't seen him since my baby shower.) So, you may not see me for a few days but I will keep you posted as soon as I can.
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About Me
- Mireille
- On November 6th, 2009, I gave birth to our angel Adelle at 34 weeks. She had already grown her wings... I am going through a difficult time and am learning a lot about myself and what it means to be the mommy of an Angel. I hope that by sharing my experiences, other angels' moms will find some comfort in knowing they are not alone. I am married to the most wonderful man on Earth. I am blessed with the most precious family and friends. My heart will always be full of love for my Angel Baby Adelle.
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1 comments:
I am happy that you a aware of the fact that you are human and sometimes you need someone professional to talk to. Family and friends are always good to have around, that is true but if you need someone else to help you, you deserve to give that to yourself.
I hope this person can be a part of your healing, Mireille.
Take care. Keep healing.
Big hugs
Love
Tante Suzanne
XOXO
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