Monday, January 25, 2010
The Rant
4:38 PM | Posted by
Mireille |
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My mood matches the weather today... gloomy.
I feel frustrated and angry at myself and at just about everything. I didn't want to mention what I am about to write because I know the person from who it came didn't mean for her question to cause so much grief. However, I know it's something that others think purposefully and that I will have to deal with from now on.
If you loose a baby, it seems, people don't think it's such a "big deal". Or so I am made to feel sometimes. Well it is! Adelle was alive for thirty-four weeks, her tiny heart beat 140 bpm or more, her little legs kicked, she yawned and had hiccups... She was loved by her parents, grand-parents, aunts and uncles (and still is!). There was a place for her in our home (her nursery is still here). My body went through everything... every single step... that every mother went through for pregnancy, labour and delivery. And even if I didn't... those moms & dads that loose a baby to miscarriage, neonatal death or born still deserve the same respect that any parent would get if they lost a child of 6 months, one year or older. A baby, a child, a person can not be replaced.
I am angry at myself for letting a simple innocent question get to me this way. I feel frustrated because I am afraid to seem ungrateful and because nothing I do can change anything that has happened. I wish I was caring for a baby instead of writing about her death...
If I seem well adjusted on the outside, never mistake that inside, my heart is shattered in a million pieces - slowly it will be mended, but there will always be a hole there - the part that I gave to Adelle to bring with her to Heaven.
I feel frustrated and angry at myself and at just about everything. I didn't want to mention what I am about to write because I know the person from who it came didn't mean for her question to cause so much grief. However, I know it's something that others think purposefully and that I will have to deal with from now on.
If you loose a baby, it seems, people don't think it's such a "big deal". Or so I am made to feel sometimes. Well it is! Adelle was alive for thirty-four weeks, her tiny heart beat 140 bpm or more, her little legs kicked, she yawned and had hiccups... She was loved by her parents, grand-parents, aunts and uncles (and still is!). There was a place for her in our home (her nursery is still here). My body went through everything... every single step... that every mother went through for pregnancy, labour and delivery. And even if I didn't... those moms & dads that loose a baby to miscarriage, neonatal death or born still deserve the same respect that any parent would get if they lost a child of 6 months, one year or older. A baby, a child, a person can not be replaced.
I am angry at myself for letting a simple innocent question get to me this way. I feel frustrated because I am afraid to seem ungrateful and because nothing I do can change anything that has happened. I wish I was caring for a baby instead of writing about her death...
If I seem well adjusted on the outside, never mistake that inside, my heart is shattered in a million pieces - slowly it will be mended, but there will always be a hole there - the part that I gave to Adelle to bring with her to Heaven.
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About Me
- Mireille
- On November 6th, 2009, I gave birth to our angel Adelle at 34 weeks. She had already grown her wings... I am going through a difficult time and am learning a lot about myself and what it means to be the mommy of an Angel. I hope that by sharing my experiences, other angels' moms will find some comfort in knowing they are not alone. I am married to the most wonderful man on Earth. I am blessed with the most precious family and friends. My heart will always be full of love for my Angel Baby Adelle.
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5 comments:
That needed to be said, and I'm glad it was you who did. Lucky for Adelle though, she's got to be feeling some intense love up there with that piece of your heart and many others fluttering around her!
To me, I would think that it would be harder for
those losing a baby like you did. You
had no time to get to know her....except
in your womb.
Nobody can take that away
from you.....
Take care
Helene ;-)
Adelle sera toujours dans ton coeur et celui de Martin et ainsi que le restant de la famille.
Elle n'est pas avec nous en corps, mais je peux te guarantir qu'elle est avec nous en esprit. Elle ne nous a pas quittée et elle ne nous quittera jamais.
Nous l'aimons et nous allons toujours l'aimée.
Je ne sais pas pourquoi qu'il y a des gens qui ne veulent pas comprendre et j'espère qu'un jour qu'ils comprendront.
Adelle est votre enfant et elle le sera toujours et elle veille sur toi et Martin.
Adelle est notre première petite et elle le sera toujours.
Ne te sens pas mal, ta réaction est comprenable.
Love you,
Mom xoxooxox
well said...
i'll never forget being asked when mourning my miscarriage two years after the fact if i thought i would ever get over it
people mean well (sometimes) but can be so very insensitive. they have a standard of what a mother is and it only includes live children totally ignoring all of the angel babies.
You are a mother now and forever.
People really just don't get it. I don't think they're that mean and uncaring, or at least I hope not, but it's still painful to hear "all better now"? or are you pregnant again? I'm not trying to replace a baby, I'm trying to greive for the one I lost!
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