Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Box
2:44 PM | Posted by
Mireille |
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I am having an "ok" week so far, concidering I have realized that I got pregnant for Adelle roughly a year ago. It's very difficult to explain but when I am having a good day (well, as good as my days can be with this huge gaping hole), I feel a little guilty. I compared Adelle's passing to a box where all of my pain and tears are wrapped up. This box is what I have left of her. It's like I can't seperate the pain and the memory of her... like one is meant to go with the other. More acurately, one reminds me of the other.
In this box I hold the memories of my pregnancy, labour and funeral as well as the images of things that could-have-been.I know some day I will be able to focus solely on the positives of Adelle's short life. This advice I have received from women who have suffered the loss of their own babies a few years ago. Make no mistake, I already see the impact Adelle has had on our lives. She is special, she is loved and she has made us happy. I am just not ready to let go of the pain yet, not so much because I am afraid to forget her (I know I won't), but more because it makes it seem like not that long ago she was physically here with me.
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About Me
- Mireille
- On November 6th, 2009, I gave birth to our angel Adelle at 34 weeks. She had already grown her wings... I am going through a difficult time and am learning a lot about myself and what it means to be the mommy of an Angel. I hope that by sharing my experiences, other angels' moms will find some comfort in knowing they are not alone. I am married to the most wonderful man on Earth. I am blessed with the most precious family and friends. My heart will always be full of love for my Angel Baby Adelle.
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2 comments:
Mireille,
The box you have of all your memories of Adelle is a great thing to have. You can look at everything in it with joy, saddess but also you will always have something of her with you.
Everyone should have a box like you do.
I have a memory box. This box has little trickets, pictures of the people I love. Things from my Mom and my Dad, my boys, my husband, my grandkids,some of my siblings and friends.
When I want to be close to them, especially my Mom and Dad, I take out my box and look at all the things in there and it brings me back to good times.
Some day, you will be able to let go of some of the pain but for now, let yourself heal and when you need to go back to the box, do it.
You know you will never forget your sweet little Adelle.
You're her Maman.
Take care
Hugs
Tante Suzanne
XOXO
Great idea with the box, I did the same thing....at first I'd created a scrap book when I found out I was pregnant - posting things like my u/s pics and my feelings at seeing that, with little happy faces all over the place....needless to say that got edited once I lost her by adding stuff, about how unfair life was and blaming myself....it took a long time to realize it wasn't my fault, everything just happens for a reason and I am blessed with an angel. My hard days are the same as you mentioned here, June 22 last year was a hard day for me because I remember a year ago to the date how excited I was seeign that pregnancy test, and then of course living through the day she was supposed to be born, the date I lost her, xmas.....I do hope it gets easier.
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