Monday, January 4, 2010
So... I'm Not Perfect
11:27 AM | Posted by
Mireille |
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As if I didn't know that before... now it's really clear! I am NOT perfect. Then again, who is?
When I was a little girl, I always pictured myself married, with a child or two, living in a cute house. Then for 8 months, my dream life was tantalizingly close. I could picture it all, everything from the sleepless nights and diaper changes to the first day of school and walking our daughter down the isle. Give or take a few details.
The great part was that I knew exactly 13 women - in my social circle - who were either pregnant or had their baby within the last few months. I pictured play dates and discussions on what remedies work for teething and what doesn't (among many others). And, as any normal mother, pictured my little one being the cutest of the bunch.
Well, it seems I am the only one who will not be included in these play dates. I know that as a nice person, what I am about to say is taboo. I mean nobody is supposed to admit this but like I said, I am not in any way perfect. So here goes: I am jealous. There! I said it! I am not an evil person. I don't wish for anybody to go through what I am going through and deep down I am happy for all of my friends but still... I just wish it was me.
This is reality and it sucks.
When I was a little girl, I always pictured myself married, with a child or two, living in a cute house. Then for 8 months, my dream life was tantalizingly close. I could picture it all, everything from the sleepless nights and diaper changes to the first day of school and walking our daughter down the isle. Give or take a few details.
The great part was that I knew exactly 13 women - in my social circle - who were either pregnant or had their baby within the last few months. I pictured play dates and discussions on what remedies work for teething and what doesn't (among many others). And, as any normal mother, pictured my little one being the cutest of the bunch.
Well, it seems I am the only one who will not be included in these play dates. I know that as a nice person, what I am about to say is taboo. I mean nobody is supposed to admit this but like I said, I am not in any way perfect. So here goes: I am jealous. There! I said it! I am not an evil person. I don't wish for anybody to go through what I am going through and deep down I am happy for all of my friends but still... I just wish it was me.
This is reality and it sucks.
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About Me
- Mireille
- On November 6th, 2009, I gave birth to our angel Adelle at 34 weeks. She had already grown her wings... I am going through a difficult time and am learning a lot about myself and what it means to be the mommy of an Angel. I hope that by sharing my experiences, other angels' moms will find some comfort in knowing they are not alone. I am married to the most wonderful man on Earth. I am blessed with the most precious family and friends. My heart will always be full of love for my Angel Baby Adelle.
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2 comments:
You are not alone. I completely understand the jealousy. I feel it when I hear my friends talk about their children or when yet another person I know is pregnant and then of course the jealousy is compounded by the guilt of feeling jealous.
I know what you mean about the jealousy and I HATE HATE HATE that people don't understand. One of my girlfriends that I grew up with was so excited when I got pregnant because she had a 3 month old at the time and she thought how perfect it would be that our kids would grow up together like we did - it's now been almost over a year since I've last seen her. My other girlfriend who had a baby in July doesn't understand why I can't bring myself to hold her daughter, i'm sorry, I just can't do it!
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